For any growing organization, conflict is one of the most misunderstood forces. Accounting firms are no exception.
Most leaders see conflict as something that needs to be reduced, smoothened and avoided entirely. They get worried if tension shows up and treat it as a people’s problem, a personality clash, or even as a sign that they don’t fit well.
But we broke the notion in a recent episode of the Smart Outsourcing Talks podcast. Dave Lane, Owner at Grove and Grain Leadership, helped us look at conflict from a different lens altogether. He mentioned something very important – the problem isn’t with conflict. The problem lies with how leaders respond to it.
As Dave puts it, “most people are conflict-avoidant. We don’t like the feeling of conflict.” And that avoidance is what breaks the teams quietly, often more than the conflict itself.
Why Conflict Feels So Risky in Accounting Firms?
The accounting profession is built on precision, accuracy, and risk reduction. Over the decades, any form of conflict automatically meant delay – delay in meeting deadlines, in adhering to the regulations or clients need and ultimately, a poor relationship with clients.
This mindset has shaped how leaders show up for their teams and not just in client work.
Dave explains that conflict often feels threatening because it disrupts a leader’s sense of control and competence.
“We are in a profession that’s high stakes. We’re trained to get it right, to not make mistakes. And conflict feels like something is going wrong.”
The problem is that leaders feel that even if there is conflict, it will automatically go away. Instead of naming the tension early and addressing it for resolution, they hope that all the conflict and challenges related to it go away, just like that. In teams, this shows up in frustration and quiet withdrawal.
The result? Friction doesn’t disappear. It calcifies.
Friction Is a Signal, Not a Failure
One of Dave’s most important reframes in the conversation is that friction is not inherently negative.
“When we have friction, it’s typically because we haven’t formed the right relationships with one another.”
This statement alone changes the entire perspective that good teams don’t experience tension. The healthy team is one where people can express their emotions, thoughts, and ideas openly. They can agree to disagree or come to a consensus after having thorough debates and discussions.
Dave emphasizes that friction often shows up when clarity, trust, or shared understanding is missing. Ignoring them doesn’t protect the teams. It delays the inevitable.
The Danger of Repetitive Conflict
One of the most common things about conflict firm leaders and owners don’t understand is that not all conflict is the same. As Dave highlights, there is a sharp distinction between healthy tension and repetitive, unresolved conflict.
“If it’s a repetitive conflict, that’s another element. It’s like, “Oh, we have been there before.”
The problem with this kind of tension is two-fold:
- First, if it is happening again, leaders need to do a deep dive to understand what they did that let it happen.
- This also means you do not pay attention to the needs of your people.
Repeated conflict is often one of the top reasons why people feel frustrated and tend to quit. Repetitive conflict is a warning sign that the issue hasn’t been addressed, merely managed, maybe.
“And that really requires someone to act courageously to call it out.”
That “someone,” more often than not, is the leader.
Naming Conflict Is a Leadership Skill
There is no doubt in the fact that leaders are often faced with several challenges daily. A lot of it is people-related. But that’s the thing, being a leader comes with a whole lot of responsibility. This often leads leaders to let conflict resolution take the backseat. That compounds.
It is important that no matter how busy you are, you pay attention to unresolved conflicts. Dave shares a practical way to tackle this. The first step is to say out loud that conflict exists.
“When we feel conflict, we’re going to name it, and we’re going to talk about it.”
That sentence captures a skill many leaders never formally learn. Naming conflict does three things at once:
- It reduces ambiguity
- It normalizes discomfort
- It signals psychological safety
Dave is clear that avoiding conflict doesn’t create harmony—it creates confusion.
“Most people are conflict-avoidant… I haven’t met any human being that actually says, ‘Oh, I really like conflict.’”
Leadership isn’t about enjoying conflict. It is not about being comfortable at all times. It’s about being willing to sit with it long enough for something better to emerge.
Trust Comes Before Resolution
Many leaders want tools: scripts, frameworks, tactics. But conflict resolution is anything but that. Dave keeps coming back to trust as the real foundation.
He references Patrick Lencioni’s work often, especially the idea that fear of conflict stems from a lack of trust.
“If trust is absent, you’re going to have fear of conflict. And when there’s fear of conflict, you don’t have real commitment or accountability.”
In other words, unresolved conflict is rarely about the surface issue. It’s about whether people feel safe enough to be honest.
Without trust, conversations stay polite—and problems stay buried.
Why Leaders Must Go First
A recurring theme that emerged in this episode is leadership responsibility. When teams struggle with conflict, Dave cautions leaders against blaming individuals.
“Most of the time, it’s the leader who hasn’t been performing as a leader.”
That doesn’t mean leaders are doing something wrong intentionally. It means they may be operating from outdated assumptions—especially the belief that leaders must always have the answers.
Instead, Dave advocates for curiosity.
“Awareness is the first step. You have to be aware that the conflict actually exists.”
Only then can leaders model the behavior they want to see.
Another practical insight Dave shared was about time and structure. Many teams try to resolve deep tension in shallow settings.
“We only have 45-minute meetings, but sometimes we need a 90-minute meeting for us actually to rumble with the conflict.”
Conflict can’t be rushed. Leaders must intentionally create space—not just agendas—for difficult conversations. That includes setting expectations, slowing the pace, and allowing emotion without letting it derail progress.
Empathy Is Not Soft—It’s Strategic
Throughout the conversation, Dave pushes back against the idea that empathy is a “soft skill” or secondary concern.
“There’s a level of empathy one requires to deal with such frictions or such situations.”
As Dave puts it, empathy is not about avoiding the hard conversations. It is about understanding where people are struggling and why. It is about understanding what lies beneath all the hidden emotions.
When leaders approach conflict with curiosity instead of defensiveness, teams move from friction to flow.
Healthy teams aren’t conflict-free. They’re conflict-capable.
They know how to:
- Name tension early
- Talk about it directly
- Stay engaged even when it’s uncomfortable
Dave sums it up simply: “Healthy teams feel conflict, and then they actually address it. And they talk about it.”
That capability doesn’t emerge by accident. It’s built through leadership behavior, trust, and repeated practice.
The Takeaway for Growing Firms
As accounting firms grow—especially across locations, roles, and even global teams—conflict is inevitable. The question isn’t how to eliminate it, but how to lead through it.
Firms that avoid conflict may feel calmer in the short term, but they pay for it in disengagement, misalignment, and quiet exits.
Firms that learn to work with conflict build resilience, clarity, and trust.
The conversation between Dave and Maanoj makes it clear – conflict doesn’t break teams. Avoiding it does.
The leaders who learn to name it, hold it, and guide their teams through it don’t just reduce friction—they unlock flow.
Want to know more about conflict resolution and how to lead when the going gets tough? This conversation is an eye-opener: https://youtu.be/WrbkaNuIUHg?si=XwfAIlobAtSBNdkl
In this Article
editor
Maanoj Shah is the Co-founder & Director of Growth Strategy & Alliances at Finsmart Accounting, where he pioneered the “Accounting Seat” model—a revolutionary offshore embedded staffing solution purpose-built for Accounting and CPA firms. Widely recognized as an outsourcing and offshoring expert, Maanoj’s insights have been featured in leading accounting publications, and he regularly speaks at premier industry conferences including Scaling New Heights, Bridging the Gap, BKX, and Women Who Count.
A dynamic growth leader with over two decades of experience, Maanoj has incubated, scaled, and exited ventures across Fintech, HR, and Consulting sectors, holding various CXO roles throughout his career. His passion for scaling businesses is matched by his commitment to social impact. He is the Co-founder of Mission ICU, a national healthcare initiative that installs critical care units in underserved areas of India, and was recognized by the World Economic Forum for its last-mile impact.
Outside of work, Maanoj leads an active lifestyle as an avid tennis player and passionate golfer, blending strategy and agility on and off the court.
CONTENT DISCLAIMER
The content in this article is for general information and education purposes only and should not be construed as legal or tax advice. Finsmart Accounting does not warrant or guarantee the accuracy, completeness, adequacy, or currency of the information in the article. You should seek the advice of a competent lawyer or accountant licensed to practise in your jurisdiction for advice on your particular situation.
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